I think I need to be more aware of my feelings. I know that sounds dumb. But I’m constantly distracting myself or doing something. Never just asking myself, how do I feel. I think that is a big thing about ED. Keeps me distracted and busy and I never have to face how I feel. Something to work on.

The lady who I donated my milk to yesterday was so so lovely. And she was from Transylvania! How cool! Her baby was absolutely lovely. I’m so happy I could help, hopefully I made a friend in the process. Plus, emptying my freezer of all the milk, I think it was just under 100oz meant I could finally defrost it before I was engulfed in ice! Win win :)
Today I’m expecting my first organic veg and fruit box delivery. I’m pretty excited! It’s the little things.
I’ve been feeling much better since I admitted to myself I was really struggling. Although I haven’t made an appointment with the gp yet, I’m a bit scared to. I might see how I get on over the next few weeks, I’m trying hard to be more mindful. Do more yoga and stop avoiding going out. I’m positive. I’ve got my perfect little princess Ophelia with me every step of the way.


During recovery, eating around people you’re comfortable with:


During recovery, eating around people who make dumbass comments:


I’ve been using teething gel on my sore tooth. It really works. Result.
Going to Dorset tomorrow with my mum. Packing for a short break with a baby is a lot harder than I thought. I keep adding things, ‘just in case’. I’m looking forwards to it, I hope the weather is nice. I really want to let Ophelia see the sea, and dip her toes in. :)
When I get back I am getting back to the gym and back on a diet. My clothes are tighter than ever, my eating has been awful and I have been binging loads and it’s all horrible. I need to stop ed, obviously my teeth are suffering because of it, my health and now my weight. Since I stopped certain behaviours, b/ping is making me gain. I guess it’s better than putting myself in more danger than I already am. Need to get it under control, I don’t want Ophelia picking up on any negative behaviour.
I went shopping today and bought Ophelia a tray for her bumbo, she seemed to like it. And one of those massive bibs that completely cover their clothes. I am getting ready for BLW. I can’t wait to let her have some food, I really think she is going to love it. I also got some plug socket safety covers. I know that it is practically impossible that babies will electrocute themselves, they would have to simultaneously put their finger deep enough in the earth hole, to let off the ‘safety’ and into one of the bottom holes. I’m more worried about her getting her fingers stuck. And getting them makes my mum shut up, she kept telling me to get them. No point in arguing over something so trivial!
Ophelia amazes me each day. She can sit up unaided now. Albeit be only for 20 seconds or so, but she can. She makes so many noises now I’m just waiting for her to break into song! She will be 5 months soon, but she still is wearing her 0-3 clothes. The vests are starting to get tight, especially with the bulkier pocket nappies so I washed all her 3-6 vests today. I’m having her weighed on Friday, I wonder how much she weighs now? She was 12lbs 5oz 3 weeks ago.
So glad to be getting away, I know it’s going to help. And when I get back, hopefully my Star Trek magazine with my little enterprise will be waiting for me. :) I want to get a display cabinet for all my little starships, my sister made fun of me. :( I don’t care, it will be awesome!

There is no greater enemy than ones own fears.