I drove home from our birthday dinner really slowly last night. I enjoyed the sunset and let my mind wonder. I sat in the car till the sun had set and bathed in the sodium streetlights, watching the bats. I can’t believe my baby is one. I can’t believe I have a one year old. We made it, by ourselves. With lots of help.
There are times where being a lone parent are hard. I don’t think about it often, it doesn’t usually bother me, but I felt really guilty yesterday. And sad. There was so much guilt and sadness and there should have been more joy. I wish I didn’t feel guilty about everything all the time. She’s OK. She’s perfect. She doesn’t care, it’s her first birthday. It doesn’t matter that she didn’t get to do her cake properly. Only to me. My family don’t celebrate birthdays and I always promised myself I would make my child feel special. Many birthdays to come.
My lover and I took her out for dinner at our favourite veggie restaurant. The food was nice and she ate lots of chickpeas, but she wasn’t well. She has a cough at the moment. It’s the first time she has been properly ill and I’m so annoyed it fell on her birthday. She got lots of nice presents and seemed to like all of them! So it really wasn’t a disaster.
I don’t know, I have been really stressed out about so many things lately and I think I just need to chill out. We’ll see how it all goes. I just hope Ophelia gets better soon. Counselling today, first session. :/ not sure how I feel about it. And then spin. Work it out, work it off.
I can almost see the summit! I’m sure this time!